{"id":135371,"date":"2017-12-22T07:54:13","date_gmt":"2017-12-22T13:54:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/csinewsnow.com\/?p=135371"},"modified":"2017-12-24T11:55:04","modified_gmt":"2017-12-24T17:55:04","slug":"dealing-with-grief-over-the-holidays-remembering-heather","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/csinewsnow.com\/?p=135371","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with grief over the holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Jamestown\u00a0 (Katie Ryan-Anderson, JRMC)\u00a0 She loved to cook, entertain and care for people. She always hosted holidays at her house, which made Christmas 2015 all the more difficult.<\/p>\n

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Heather Kurtz was 33 years old when she died after a six-year battle with breast cancer.<\/p>\n

Although she\u2019d been sick, Kurtz\u2019s death was sudden and shocking to her family, including Kurtz\u2019s sisters, Cally Stromberg and Jessica Moser.<\/p>\n

Grief is a painful experience. And while the holidays are a fun and exciting time for most, they can also be a struggle for others.<\/p>\n

Kurtz, the oldest of three sisters, loved caring for others so much, she cared for people professionally too managing at multiple local restaurants. Kurtz especially loved caring for her husband, Phil, and their daughter, Cadence.<\/p>\n

After Kurtz\u2019s death that April, Moser said she experienced the various stages of grief, as most people do. However, as December approached, Moser said she felt like she experienced those stages all over again.<\/p>\n

\u201cI needed to remind myself to get through \u2014 not just one day at a time \u2014 but one hour at a time,\u201d Moser said.<\/p>\n

This experience isn\u2019t uncommon, said Maren Radi, hospice<\/a> coordinator at Jamestown Regional Medical Center. Even if the death occurred months or years before, holiday memories can stir up mixed emotions in surviving relatives.<\/p>\n

Radi advises people to be patient with themselves. It\u2019s OK to avoid some social gatherings if you don\u2019t feel up to it, she said, but don\u2019t isolate yourself altogether. Allow yourself time for solitude and remembrance.<\/p>\n

The Emergency Department<\/a> at Jamestown Regional Medical Center usually sees a few extra people struggling with grief over the holidays, said Deanna VanBruggen, a registered nurse. These people are usually lonely and struggling after the loss of a loved one.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople remember the happy times at Christmas,\u201d she said. \u201cBut they don\u2019t always remember that the holidays aren\u2019t happy for everyone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Stromberg, the youngest of the three sisters, said she recommends people acknowledge their emotions and allow themselves to feel them.<\/p>\n

What helps her is when people privately acknowledge her grief or remember her sister. It\u2019s hard when people say something in public, however, Stromberg says she appreciates private messages or texts.<\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone wants to be sure you\u2019re OK, and I appreciate that. It\u2019s just usually best if they can express that privately. No one wants to get emotional in public,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

One healthy way to grieve is to honor the memory of that individual, Radi said. For the family of Heather Kurtz, they continue to hold Christmas together as a family.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe worried about the children, but if anything, the children helped,\u201d Stromberg said. \u201cWe had to have Christmas that first year and make it as normal as possible.\u201d<\/p>\n

One of the ways the family honors Kurtz\u2019s life is with a memory book. Family and friends can write or read the book at any time, especially at holidays. The book is one way they can preserve memories for Cadence, now age 9.<\/p>\n

Today, the family continues to gather each holiday. They make sure to enjoy the day, in part because life is short, and also because Heather was \u2018bossy\u2019 and would want the family to have a good time, Moser said with a smile.<\/p>\n

According to JRMC Hospice, other ways to deal with grief include:<\/p>\n

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  1. Help others:<\/strong> Whether it\u2019s shoveling the sidewalks of the elderly, volunteering for the hungry or donating to a favorite charity, giving back is a great way to fill a grieving heart with joy.<\/li>\n
  2. Try something new during the holidays:<\/strong> Creating new memories doesn\u2019t mean you forget the old ones. Start a new tradition, based on the hobbies and interests of a loved one: Grandpa loved to golf so let\u2019s all play 9 holes, for example, or Mom loved to cook, so let\u2019s volunteer at the food pantry.<\/li>\n
  3. Practice patience:<\/strong> Whether it\u2019s you grieving or someone you know, practice patience when people feel happy, sad, anxious or angry.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    To learn more about grief or hospice services, call JRMC Hospice at (701) 952-4847.<\/p>\n

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    Contact JRMC Home Health & Hospice<\/h3>\n
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